I am realizing lately how busy a woman I really am.
When I talk to a lot of mothers they simply cannot believe how I do it all, with having three girls, staying home and doing all the cooking and baking that I do. Plus there is homeschooling, the blog and the fact that I am literally never not with at least one of my children. Even when I sleep, Serafina is there with me. I never really thought of my life that way before. I don’t really have time to stop and think about what I am doing, I just do it.
I know that I only have a little bit of time to clean or cook when I get the chance so I do things rather hastily around here. I have realized that I am not a very relaxed person at all. When I go about my tasks, it is as though I am in a constant state of stress and can never seem to relax into anything except when we go for a walk. Having a baby will make you that way.
Serafina is used to either napping in the stroller, in her car seat or while nursing (which leaves me immobilized) so I like to go out for a walk to get her to nap and then get a little break for a while, while also sneaking in some exercise.
I am also a worrier. I worry all the time and believe me, I am trying desperately to let that go. I worry all the time about my kids and whether I am doing enough. I worry whether or not I am there enough for them even though we are together 24/7. I even worry about the fact that I worry so much. It is quite ridiculous. The other day I was relaxing on the couch letting go of some of that worry when I said to Craig, “I am worried that I have nothing to worry about right now.” It was quite a strange feeling to me to actually feel relaxed.
So excuse my slight absence from the blog. I have been trying to just relax and really be in the moment these days. I am trying to practice going about my daily tasks with ease, relaxing and really being with everyone, everything and every situation.
Plus, this week was our girls’ dance recital. They had two of them actually. Kesa with her tap and ballet and Autumn with her jazz and tap dance.
Life is so crazy! I feel like the day just zooms on by and that I still only tackle 1/2 of what I would like to accomplish, but the kids come first and then me and my dreams.
I often wish that I had more time. This is something that I talk with Craig about a lot. They other day he made me see how actually great I have it though by reminding me that if I had more time, I would probably just waste it anyway. The people who actually have time seem to not use it very wisely, but the ones who are pressed for it really take advantage of those few moments that they have.
I find that completely true because I know from past experience that I have wasted so much of my time. Now, I take advantage of every nap that Serafina has and every moment Craig is home to hold her to get things done. Most of the time I look so frantic about what I am doing, if you remember my kitchen.
These past few days of relaxing a bit has been so great. I am enjoying going out for walks and talking with the girls while Serafina naps. I feel so often that we are together, but not really together. When there is no mindfulness, everything is just a blur and it is almost like I am not really there. Thich Nhat Hanh talks about this a lot and about how when you are not practicing mindfulness that you are like a ghost. You are there physically, but your mind is not there and so others cannot truly feel your presence. Most people live this way, with their mind either on the past or the future. I live this way more than I would like to and wish so much to let that all go and just be present. It is a difficult practice though and something that I have to remind myself that I will never perfect.
Here are two videos from the girls’ dance recital to share with you. I also have some recipes to share that we have been enjoying. Hopefully I can post them soon. Autumn is the one in the middle of the tappin’ jam video third from the left and Kesa is the little tippy toe mouse second from the left.
Have a great night!