One of the main reasons I began questioning my veganism last week was because of a feeling of hopelessness. Sometimes it feels that no one else seems to care about these bigger issues and about the animals or avoiding genetically modified foods. I feel so weird sometimes that I am the only one who seems to give it any thought, like maybe I am even just crazy. Even when we would go out to other people’s houses or family gatherings Craig and the girls would have some non-vegan foods or foods that contain genetically modified ingredients and I never would, it made me feel like I am the only one who really takes this seriously. In my life I don’t know anyone, (aside from my husband and one friend) who cares about it and so whenever we go somewhere it feels awkward to me that I am the only one who thinks about it so much and really makes an effort to avoid it. I began questioning if I maybe had disordered thinking or that this was some form of eating disorder, but I have come to realize that it isn’t because it is not about body image or weight to me, but about ethics and the impact that our food choices have on not only us, but the animals and the world. It is a very powerful thing!
It can feel so hopeless to stick it out and follow your heart and what you really believe, especially when it goes against the norm, but I know deep down that just because something is normal and accepted widely by many, does not make it moral, ethical or true. This is true, not only of being a vegan, but of any narrow path we may choose to tread in life. I thank the ones who commented on that post and helped me to see that I do really care and that there are others out there who do too and feel similarly to how I do.
I had mentioned in my post before about letting the girls have some dairy and eggs, but really my husband and I still don’t feel right about it. I can’t bring myself to buy those “foods” for them and I really don’t feel right about them having genetically modified “foods.”Not only do I feel that it is wrong, but that it is unhealthy. As a mother, I of course want to do the right thing for them and it can be hard to know what that is. Kesa only likes some of those foods for the taste and so what I think I need to do is just come up with more recipes and variety for us all to enjoy. I have been taking such a break from recipes and we haven’t had much variety or excitement in our meals at all lately. I think that getting in the kitchen and making things with them (and sharing them with you too) will help the situation and also help me to focus more on what I am passionate about. I also think that I need to be more open with relatives and friends so that they realize how important and serious this decision of ours is. When we go out I sometimes feel pressured to let them have those things even though I really don’t feel right about it and I think that I need to be stronger and just say no and have them respect my decision. It is still hard when people say that we need to have dairy or meat in our diet and judge our choices.
I really feel that I needed to go through all of these things to come out stronger and realize that I can’t give up on what I believe and I am not the only one who cares and who wants to live this way, even though it can feel so lonely. I also want to encourage those of you out there who have the same feelings to never lose faith! Even though we may not be able to live perfectly up to our values and beliefs, we can still take it one day, one meal at a time. It seems so overwhelming to me to avoid the genetically modified foods because they put it in nearly everything now, but I am not going to stop trying. I will do my best to purchase and make our own food, ethically sound and free of those dangerous ingredients because that is what gives me peace of mind. Trying to fit in and forget about those things does not feel at all right to me.
Thank you to all who comment and who have bought my book and enjoyed my recipes. You help me to know that there are others out there who care and inspire me to keep on living what I believe.
I can’t wait to get back into the kitchen! 🙂
Live. Learn. Love. Eat. 
Can’t wait to see what new recipes you come up with! Can your daughters tell the difference between dairy and non dairy cheeses, yogurt, etc.? Is Kesa fine with the non dairy cheese that you buy for pizza, etc.? I have recently ‘found’ a great sub for scrambled eggs, omelettes, etc. it is chickpea flour! That stuff is magic I tell ya! One recipe we love is the omelette recipe from post punk kitchen (you can google it, it’s pretty popular) using silken tofu (the only organic tofu I can easily get here!) and chickpea flour. Even my husband, an avid egg lover, couldn’t tell it wasn’t egg!!
You’re right… While I do sometimes let Svara eat the food at birthday parties that has dairy, and occasionally even conventional candy, I don’t feel good about it. Sometimes I make alternate food to bring, but I don’t always have time. It’s all a balance that we have to find I guess.
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Thanks Honey! She is OK with the vegan versions, but I guess I was trying to avoid too much soy in our diet and we do have to travel out of town to get those things. I will have to search out some other soy-free alternatives or make my own recipes too. She loves the chocolate avocado pudding! A huge thing has truly been that I haven’t been so on top of making meals and snacks and I even have been buying store bought GMO things for them again, which feels so wrong. I am glad that all of this happened though and I am not going to get hard on myself for it, but just pick myself up and get back on track.
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I’m glad to see you are feeling stronger and confident in your choices again! And you have every right to say what your kids do and don’t eat! I can see how it would be very hard to go to family dinners and such and have people telling you that your choices are wrong. You can always tell the kids “you can have ice cream when we get home” or whatever and make banana ice cream later. You are brave for sharing your struggles! Also, I know you feel very isolated sometimes because of your food choices, but you are not alone, and like I said before there are more and more young people becoming aware of these food issues. If you own your choices, believe in yourself, and prepare to stand up for your beliefs in any social situation you will be ok, I promise! ❤
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🙂
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I can definitely relate to feeling alone on eating a vegan diet. I’m not sure how it is where you live, but right now I am in a (in my family’s opinion) rather country area – a beach along the Florida panhandle. I feel like all anyone eats around here is fried meats and cheese. I’m always so grossed out by it, and get frustrated with the lack of options. I grew up in California and spent 5 years in Miami, and as stressful as metropolitan areas can be – they ALWAYS had convenient options for healthy living. Hopefully we can get back to the city soon.
Anyways, the point of my comment was to let you know you are not alone!….And that it is so ironic you posted this, because just tonight, my hubby, daughter and I watched an old SNL skit. (Yes, she’s 10 and I watch a lot with her. I have very open communication with her and the world). Well, all 3 of us were so happy when we watched this skit with Justin Timberlake. It was hilarious and made a loud statement about a Vegan diet using pop culture and songs!! I am a huge fan of pop/rap so this was just too much – I was so happy seeing pop culture place veganism in a fun positive light. In short, Tiffany – you are not alone! You’re little heart is DEFINITELY part of something bigger out there – and changing the world 🙂
http://vimeo.com/m/61482469
Here’s the skit if you’d like a good laugh! I couldn’t believe I knew all the food references justin Timberlake sang about. LOL Have a great night!
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Tiffany, I relate with you so much. During outings or family gatherings, I am also the only one that take the vegan & non-gmo ‘diet’ seriously. For me, I only want to eat real, natural food. and I’ve attached such an importance on avoiding gmo foods. I researched the effects of GMO foods to know how they affect our bodies, and knowing what I know.. why would I close my eyes and continue eating those harmful ‘foods’? Don’t give up! Even if people see you as if you have 3 heads, it’s your beliefs and most people are just not aware of the consequences of gmo food as well as the meat/dairy industry. I don’t have kids yet, but I would feel that I’m not a good mother if I would let them eat food that I know is crucial to their health. Keep strong 🙂 You are NOT the only one out there that think like this!!!
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Thank you ecypamma! I am always bringing my own food and looking so strange for not just eating what is available at other people’s places, but it is like you said, knowing what you know, how can you just forget?
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I love being a part of your journey as you dig deep to figure everything out. Thanks for sharing.
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How exciting…sounds like we have some new recipes to look forward to! I live in a very small town (not even a health food store here) and feel very alone in our food choices as well…funny though…the vegan blogs that I follow are all people in Canada so I though Canada must be full of vegan, health conscience people, lol!
Keeping the faith in small town USA!
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Our meals are from your cookbook almost every single night. Just so you know that you are 100% not alone. We avoid GMO’s at all costs — and buy less while paying more. I’m okay with that because I know that I would rather invest in food then healthcare ❤
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Thanks Melissa! I am glad to hear that. 🙂
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Thank you for sharing. It’s unusual to be a vegetarian/vegan in Norway, so everyone is judging all the time.. So it’s hard not to doubt my choices. I’ve had the same doubts about my veganism several times, so it’s really good to hear that I’m not alone with these thoughts.
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Really appreciate your comment Bea! Keep on living what you believe. 🙂
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