I wish I had more time to write. More time to blog. More time to savor every little moment and all of our memories. Life goes by. It just does. Faster and faster every day.
I think I realized a while back that I can’t hold on to everything. I can’t savor everything and every moment. It will pass. It will fly by. It just will. And I used to try to want to preserve as many of those memories as I possibly could. Even if it exhausted me. I would want to write a blog, just so that I could have that to look back on but what I realized a few years ago is that oftentimes my wanting to preserve memories took away from them in many ways and I think that’s true with a lot of people’s portrayed lives on social media or blogs.
I think I was really good at not letting that be an issue for me. I wasn’t into it in a way that I wanted to create a false fantasy family and keep that alive. Everything I wrote was true and real. But my issue lay with wanting to just process every memory and every thought. And when I couldn’t it would bring me down a bit.
So I stepped back. I let myself just be in the moments as they were going by. Now I feel like I wish I had more time to come back to looking at pictures and editing them and putting them up in some kind of format for my children to have when they grow up and look back on their lives. I feel like I missed out a lot on documenting Pheonyx’s life. I don’t have a lot in writing or blogs during his first year and a half. Life sometimes just got too busy.
I decided the other day to take a break from Facebook which I’ve been on for the past year. I joined it when Pheonyx was little just so that I can have something to sort of keep my mind occupied in those stressful or busy times of life with a newborn. And I realized how much this past year has been so exhausting. I find that having social media can make you feel just nervous in general because of the fact that you’re putting your energy outside of yourself when you’re looking through so much information and so many different people’s lives in only just a matter of an instant. Depending on what you were looking at and how your mind state is towards the things that you are looking at, social media can be an even more difficult thing for other people to manage and not be affected by.
Being off of Facebook only just a few days has already made me feel much different. I feel more calm and at peace and not like I have to do something. I think that instant reward we get from checking a notification or double-tapping instantly just to like something makes our brains go on this fast paced track. We also lose the sacredness of the moment when we take a picture or we have a thought and we instantly have to post it to her social media account. Our brains are just running faster and they want things so fast and sudden to happen. We don’t take time to fulfill our needs and get our happy hormones flowing by doing anything. We just check that little red flag notification or get that dopamine rush from that like we got on the post.
I miss the days when I used to spend time baking bread with the kids and get my rush from that. I miss reading books. I miss sitting down and taking an hour to write a blog by hand at my computer and feeling that sense of accomplishment. I felt that the social media was stealing that away from me. I don’t think it’s a bad thing I just think that right now I’m in a transition stage where I’m wanting something more. I want to work harder for the feeling of accomplishment and reward. I want to put my energy more back into my family and into writing meaningful blogs for myself and others who come across them.
Today I just felt like writing some random thoughts that have been flowing through my mind these days. The sun is shining through the windows and it is still cold outside but there is a feeling that spring will soon come. I have a feeling that there is a shift in this home and in our family for the greater. I hope to come back to blogging for myself and that those of you who have been following for a while will come up once in awhile and say hi on a post.
Things have changed so much but I want to continue to document our fun memories and get some of my more inspirational thoughts and recipes out of my head and out into the world for those who may also benefit from them.
Much love to you all wherever you are today!