So here I sit once again typing. This seems almost foreign to me as it has been so long since I came into this space of mine. I kind of even like to think of it as a space in my mind really, where I come to reflect and to release. It feels so good to do. For the past few months I really felt the need to get away from the computer, from the external pull, from my lower ego and to spend more time in quiet contemplation and reflection. To really go inside and see what is going on. But truly, I have missed this. This to me is also a huge part of my life. I love to sit here alone with my head and heart and to see what flows from a mix of the two through my fingers and out into who knows where. Whoever you are reading this was meant to read it too, which I think is pretty cool.
I guess for a long time I’ve been thinking it is bad or maybe egotistical to have a blog or anything of that sort because it is kind of all about yourself and my aim in life is always to try and become a better person and subdue that selfish lower nature, rising instead above to the higher self, to the divine and spiritual. I’ve been through so much on my journey and it all really leads me back to this thought really, that there is no duality, only that which exists in our mind. Ever since being a little girl I have had a dualistic mindset. This is bad, this is good. It goes without much thought at all that naturally we gravitate toward doing the good and avoiding the bad. We have sympathies and antipathies and judgements about everything in our own ways and all see the world differently. We have our different upbringings, beliefs, feelings and points of view. We live our own individual personal journey in life. We learn and grow everyday, either consciously or unconsciously. We are human beings. And alas, after much time in quiet contemplation and meditation, I still have a lower ego and selfish tendencies and I am realizing that that is not so much a bad thing, but necessary for me to put up with, learn from and evolve.
Human. That is what I am and that is what want to be. A human being. What is that anyways? I can’t exactly say, but what I do know is that it is awesome. Just thinking that here I am sitting here typing, thinking (or maybe not so much), breathing, digesting, feeling my heart beat and maybe worrying a little about how crazy this all may sound to whoever may be out there reading. All that is pretty amazing when you step back from yourself and your fears and dualities and realize divinity in that. How could being a human being be anything other than a complete and total miracle and completely divine.
Each day I continue to learn and to grow and I know I talk about it all the time, but it is what I am passionate about. I love looking at life that way. Seeing the beautiful, good and true in it. Seeing what I need to learn. Looking back on my ‘mistakes’ and learning the lessons in them. Realizing that life is not slowing down, but always moving forward at what seems like a faster pace everyday. Reflecting back on how I felt and what I feared or placed so much importance on days, weeks, months, or years ago and realizing that those things are so insignificant to me now. Understanding that nothing that I have ever really done got me to where I am right now, that it was all planned from the start to be exactly as it is, in this moment and in every moment. Knowing all that and writing it right now as if divinely inspired through my human intellect and transmitted through my physical instrument, only to be likely forgotten again as I step away and go back into my life where many more evolutionary processes or ‘learning opportunities’ are waiting to mold me and sculpt me into what I am to become. Living life as this human being, ever evolving.
I have so much to write, but now it is getting onto lunch and my head has to get back to reality, whatever that may be. I am still not sure if there is a duality between this intuitive thinking, reflecting reality and making lunch for the family reality. I think that they can both co-exist nicely, but it is easier said than done when you have two really picky eaters and are trying not to get frustrated at something as simple as eating a meal together as a family. Ah life! You are a constant teacher.
So, if anyone is still out there and feels like saying “hi”, please do! I have missed you and the connection that we can make even though miles and miles away. And if you are new to this space, I would love to hear from you too! 🙂
… that is if you don’t mind hearing once again from this human being behind the words on your screen.