I have a deep love for astrology. I have always been interested in it, as well as other spiritual philosopies and teachings.
I have been buying books like no tomorrow because I love to learn. I can never not be learning something at any time. I must be using my brain and growing and expanding in consciousness at all times. It is something that I am addicted to.
I used to be so afraid to be who I am. There were (and are) so many things about myself that I thought were unusual, abnormal, or obviously different from others. I have especially struggled inwardly, (and sometimes outwardly) with being my real self publicly in my writing and sharing what I love, (I guess in fear of others judgements or misconceptions), but I realize that I have changed a lot over the years and have really grown to accept the totality of my being, quirks and all, and have come to love myself more for it (although I believe it is a never-ending, life-long process of continual growth and change and learning to love ourselves again and again).
1) For one thing, I am a tomboy. I have never been much of a girly-girl. When I was a little girl I even used to dress up in my dad’s clothes. I feel most comfortable in baggy shirts or men’s t-shirts and sweat pants. I don’t like make-up or dressing “pretty”, but prefer to be natural. My husband doesn’t care for make-up either and accepts who I am and how I dress, so it isn’t a problem between us. Still, many people think I look dumpy and those who know me, (like family members) know how beautiful I can be if I do put effort into my appearance if I wanted to and get frustrated about it. To me, it is just a waste of time and not an example that I want to set for my girls. Dressing up is just not me, especially because I stay home and like to cook and bake and get outside a lot. Wearing expensive clothing or make-up is not conducive to my laid-back, natural lifestyle. I also like to be able to lie down or rub my eyes without having to be cautious of ruining my make-up.
For a while I struggled with wondering if my tomboyish streak and lack of enthusiasm for dressing up and wearing make-up was even setting a bad example for my girls and if I maybe even had a body image problem, but really and truly it is just not who I am and not something that I care to put time and energy towards, unless I am going to somewhere like a wedding. I have now come to conclude that it is a better example for my girls if I just be me and be comfortable. They don’t care what I look like and love me regardless, and setting the example of being comfortable with being myself is what I want them to see most of all. Also, I find the example of focusing more on the tasks of the home and on taking care of my body through exercise and healthy eating is what I would rather instil in them than focusing time, energy, and money on the outer physical aspect, as most often people do this out of fear of others opinion of themselves or because they care only for the physical.
2) Another thing that is different about me is my deep thinking and love for all things spiritual and mystical. This is something that I find I can’t really share with anyone except Craig and a few close friends, many of which I actually have made through my blogging and sharing. I love to study different mystical teachings, religions, and of course spiritual science and anthroposophy. This is something that I find is not too common and makes me feel weird, but it is something that I can’t live without. Breaking free from my family’s faith was hard at first too, but I am becoming more accepting of my different beliefs and letting go of their fear and judgement. I realize that as much as I was taught to believe a certain thing, I can’t live and believe something that to me is an untruth. I also want my girls to be able to find their own faith and am very cautious of what I teach them about God or spirituality because I don’t want them to be colored too much by me, or to have only an intellectual understanding of God, but to find God in the way that feels best for them. We read them a variety of material and viewpoints, myths and stories from all religions allow them expose to many cultures and races. I find this very important as a parent, to not be too dogmatic or black and white about anything.
3) I have a terrible habit of self-sabotage and/or destroying my own image. I strive to do things the way I want to, but then I always change before I actually go through with something that I had intended to. I constantly do this, but am not sure that it is a bad thing. I just don’t like to be any one particular way, ever. I have a rebellious streak about me and hate to be too popular or liked. I never like to be one way forever. I hate phoniness and it is hard for me to have friends because I can’t stand just talking about anything trivial.
I used to try really hard to stuff away my feelings and love for deeper wisdom, understanding and connections, but now I just don’t bother to make connections, unless those connections are genuine. I don’t like having to be something that I am not and living a lie. I still have a love and respect for all people, but I don’t waste my time and energy to lower my vibrations, or wear a mask on purpose just to please others. It is hard to do and I think in life sometimes we are forced to wear a mask, but I am hoping to be able to wear one face, the face of my true self for everyone, all the time eventually. This is my goal and writing brings me ever closer to it.
4) I am such a jokester. I joke around all the time and am not a very serious parent. I have struggled with wondering if this is bad, but I know that my kids like it. We joke around all the time around here, all of us, and I think that it makes for a nice harmonious atmosphere. Still, I am learning that there are times when maybe I do need to be more authoritative and serious. I see now that Autumn is getting older that she is in need of an authority figure, not in a cruel sense, but in knowing that adults actually are possessors of something that children do not yet have, which is life experience, wisdom, and the ability to control their emotions and desires (at least real adults).
5) I push love away. I do. I don’t let anyone get too close to me. I like to be around people and love my family, but I need my own space and time to get inside my own head for a while. That is why I love to write, take time to read and go out for walks often. Sometimes it is hard for me to deal with the emotions of others and open up my real feelings.
6) I don’t care about fancy, material things. I have no sheet on my bed, don’t make my bed, my cupboards are not organized and there has been Sharpie on the loveseat for almost a year. My mother on the other hand cares a lot about home decorating and is on the total other end of the spectrum when it comes to home organization and appearance. I do clean and keep things in order, like having my dishes always washed, my floors swept and a space to walk around in, but I don’t care about things like making beds, putting dishes away, or having things too organized. Autumn and Kesa have the chore of putting away the dishes and folding laundry. Laundry is something I hate doing. I think it is good that we all work together to create the home environment that is comfortable for us. I am glad that my husband is okay with having a sometimes unorderly environment. He knows that we all are living here all the time and that Serafina is an especial mess monster.
I don’t want for much but wholistic health, happiness, and harmony.
7) I want to help people. I desire to inspire others and help them live fulfilling, positive, enriching, and authentic lives. I care about animals and the environment and expansion in consciousness/spiritual awareness. I don’t believe in preaching or protesting, but hope that in some way that sharing my life can help to inspire others to make more conscious and positive choices and to be unafraid to be themselves.
8) I love to be creative and expressive, whether it is though inventing a recipe, making up silly songs or stories with my girls, painting, or writing and sharing on my blog. Creativity and self-expression feeds my soul and frees my spirit.
It was interesting to me yesterday to do an astrology birth chart. I learned a lot about myself and how a lot of the things I struggle with and judge about myself are just a part of who I was destined to be, according to the stars and planets. I also did birth charts for the girls and Craig. I find Vedic Astrology especially fascinating. I find the astrology charts 99% accurate about all of us. Of course, I believe that we are all unique and it has been amazing to me to learn more about myself and others, taking into consideration not only astrology, but zodiac, numerology, temperament, etc. The combination of all of these things really does make for a world of completely unique human beings. I think that if people took the time to care about these different spiritual tools and teachings that we could learn to really accept ourselves, recognize our real and profound differences, and learn to love each other despite them. We really are each 100% unique, although we can share many similarities with different people according to our astrology, Chinese zodiac, numerology, or temperament.
Here are some excerpts from the astrology chart, things I learned about myself from the report yesterday that made me feel more at ease and accepting of who I am, especially in contrast to other family members. I decided to type it out in a blog post to have to refer to.
Sun in Aquarius
One of the stand out characteristics of those born under the Sun Sign of Aquarius is their unwillingness to follow the beaten track. With advancement and progress on their minds, there can be an irreverence to old and outdated ways of thinking and doing things. Many Aquarians aim to free themselves of personal and social conditioning. Although open to change in theory, Aquarians can be surprisingly stubborn. Their idealism runs strong, but they can be very fixed in their opinions.
Often a bit aloof and even standoffish, Aquarians nonetheless are usually well-liked. They are curious and observant, and tolerant in a broad sense. Prejudice and bias is offensive to the typical Aquarius. Aquarians are generally very clever, witty, and intellectual. They value progress and frankness. It’s difficult to throw Aquarians for a loop–they’re generally on top of things. There is a bit of reformer in Aquarius. They’ll try to get you to see through superficiality, and encourage you to be open and forthright. “Be true to yourself” and “Don’t follow the crowd” are mottos we easily associate with this sign. Aquarians need space and value personal freedom. Any attempt to box them in will likely fail. They’ll happily return the favor; and they will treat people from all walks of life as equals. Equality and fairness are hallmarks of the sign. If you’re quirky and “different”, all the better.
She is independent, autonomous, and has progressive ideas.
Weaknesses: an unusual, rebellious and revolutionary spirit.
She is scrupulous, honest, correct, worthy and respectable.
Weaknesses: melancholy, sullenness, disappointment and bitterness.
You do not easily tolerate a dominating attitude in others. You have a healthy respect for power and authority, but only if it is handled fairly.
Your aura is strong and somewhat mysterious. You tend to come across as stronger than you intend. In fact, some people are intimidated by you, and you may not understand why this is so. When you want something (or someone!) you are very determined. For you, it can be “all or nothing”. When you are finished with something, you leave it behind you and there is no going back.
She is generally pleasantly composed, due to an inner sense of harmony and emotional balance. She is optimistic–and realistically so, most of the time–which contributes to her overall “luck”. Broad-mindedness is a wonderful characteristic. Quick to find humor in situations, she is generally warm and fun to be around. Deep down, she believes in the basic goodness of people and of life in general, and this basic and natural attitude helps her to attract positive circumstances and to make good connections. One of her best qualities is tolerance. Usually, she doesn’t take life too seriously in the sense that she believes in having a bit of fun. her hunches are more often than not bang-on.
She looks on the bright side of life: she is gay, agreeable, optimistic, sociable. She likes to speak and write, and does both with charm and artistry. Her intellectual pleasures are influenced by her feelings.
-100 Square Sun – Pluto
You may be prone to inner tension and negative, self-destructive behavior. When things are going well, you suffer from fears that something will come along to change that. Constantly worrying that the rug will be pulled from under your feet can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You possess tremendous power and strength–when you learn to accept and use that strength, instead of fear it, you can be one of the most effective, insightful, helpful, and healing person around! At times, you can be intensely dissatisfied with your personal accomplishments and expressions of self. You put a lot of pressure on yourself regarding your own endeavors. You can be quite dissatisfied with your creative self-expressions, and want to hide your expressions from others until you feel the output is “right”. This is largely due to a perceived inability to express or reveal your true personality to others. You struggle with a deep need to control yourself and life itself. You are especially sensitive to criticism, and feel the need to “redo” yourself often. There is a marked fear of losing control, and this might stem from some traumatic event in childhood, or the childhood might have been crisis-ridden or emotionally-charged in general. As such, you can be intensely fearful of, or threatened by, change. This can express itself through attempts to control your life in such a way that you can manage your fears of being taken off guard. Of course, this generally backfires! You have an intense need for privacy at times.
Mercury in Capricorn –
Resourceful, reflective, deep thinker: a fine and vivacious mind. Undertakes lengthy studies or, if circumstances do not allow, will teach herself.
152 Conjunction Sun – Midheaven
She knows what she wants on the professional level, is aware of her objectives and does everything to achieve them, she will carry out plans to the very end. She has a good job as well as a good reputation.
Moon in Capricorn
Being useful and productive are basic needs for Lunar Capricorns. Messy emotions and “leaky” souls are a bit frightening for most with this position of the Moon.
Moon in VIII
You are a person who is drawn to pushing your own limits, and many lifestyle changes can be the result of this need to challenge, or reinvent, yourself emotionally. You are always fascinated with how people work, taboos, secrets, and all that is forbidden or hidden.
440 Conjunction Moon – Mercury
You can be quite expressive and animated in your speech. You have an outstanding memory and tend to pick up a lot of information from your environment. You love to chat and to exchange ideas. Even if you are shy, once you’re friends, you love to talk about pretty much anything under the sun, and you enjoy sharing stories from your past! For the most part, you are focused on day-to-day activities in your communications rather than on grander philosophies. You thrive on change and variety. There is a twinkle in your eyes, and you are never short on humor. You are playful and versatile–you make a fun companion and an interesting friend. You listen! Yes, you do talk and occasionally interrupt in your excitement, but you are a curious person who does want to hear what others have to say, and that is a real pleasure. In fact, you are more able than most people to get others talking, simply because you are very receptive and sympathetic. You pick up others’ feelings and body language readily.
Venus in Aquarius
Venus in Aquarius people try to impress you with their open-minded, future-thinking spirit. They want you to see them as unique, rebellious, and a little provocative. They are attractive when they are acting a little aloof. They want you to acknowledge and appreciate that they don’t follow the beaten track in matters of the heart. They don’t want to follow all the rules, although they may make quite a few of their own. They can appear quite standoffish at times, and are threatened by restrictions of any kind. Emotional types may be put off by their detached manner in love. Venus in Aquarius wants you to love them for their intellect, and to admire their visions. They value lovers who are also good friends, and they avoid emotional displays or confrontations like the plague. Venus in Aquarius will delight in shocking you with their unusual ways and their forward-looking thinking.
You are not especially clingy, and you expect a certain amount of freedom in a partnership. You want to feel like you are growing as an individual, and you won’t be happy in a relationship that is restrictive or confining. In fact, you have a great love for the feeling of freedom or limitlessness.
43 Trine Mars – Neptune
Her feelings are dominated by wisdom and geared towards the ideal. She likes water, sea voyages. She likes odd people.
Ascendant in Gemini
Those born with Gemini rising see the world as a place to learn. They are curious about the people around them. Their facility with words can be a wonderful asset, although sometimes Gemini rising individuals identify too much with their mental agility and forget, in their personal interactions and communications, to nurture the people around them.
House X in Aquarius
Success in teaching. Likes contact with others, to speak and explain.
House XI in Pisces
Has only a few friends, but with these the friendship is sincere and frank.
If you are interested in astrology or numerology too, I would love to provide you with some information. I would even be willing to do a chart for you or an angel card reading. I have been wanting to help others more in a spiritual way through these tools as well as through my sharing of recipes and life philosophy. I know a few readers have done readings for me as well in times deep questioning and soul-searching, (even without me asking) and I have felt extremely grateful to them for sharing that inspired, uplifting guidance.
Although we do have our intuition and we all have angels, or spirit guides to guide us, it can be hard sometimes to really know who it is we are or what it is we should do. A card reading or an astrology chart can be helpful in guiding us and helping to affirm to ourselves what we believe to be true and get back in touch with our intuition and spiritual truth.
If you are interested, send me an email at, firstname.lastname@example.org.
I am also thinking of doing a series of posts on the different sun signs of the zodiac sometime in the near future.
Much Love & Light!