I feel like I need to introduce myself. Explain myself. You see, I have been misrepresented and misconceived. Humans come into me thinking certain things, perhaps naive about the reality of what I am and what I bring, so let me do my best to set the record straight.
I am unpredictable. There simply is no way to ever see what I will bring. Psychics can say that they have the answers to what the future holds, but only I can reveal each step of myself as each moment comes to pass and each individual breath is taken.
I hold a plan for you and a higher purpose, while also respecting your freedom. Destiny and freewill are intricately intertwined in me. You will live through many journeys along my path and you will meet many people and encounter many experiences, all of which will shape you in some way. Which way, will be up to you and up to what you are given.
I am not all rainbows and sunshine and colorful, cute unicorns. I am grim and sad and depressing. I am riddled with anxieties over the unknown and decisions that you will have to make and I am fearful of future.
I will introduce you to friends and family, connections you will cherish and remember even beyond me and I will take them away. Whatever you love and hold dearly will not always last and everything contained within my limited time span is fleeting.
I can make you want to quit or give up and bring you to despair many, many times but I hope that you will hang on for the ride, no matter how difficult and dark it can seem at times. As part of my unpredictability, the darkness may also cease and desist as suddenly as it presents itself.
I will show and teach you things. You will meet love, joy, peace, hope, grace, adversity, temptation, weakness, anxiety, depression, (to name a few) and most daunting of all, fear.
Fear will be the most difficult opponent to face, but I will give you a pointer, fear is not real, it is only an illusion to keep you stuck in a separate reality from the one you are living. One in which you relive nightmarish fantasies in hopes of maintaining some control of me, your life. Once you master this illusion, you will come closer to understanding the power of your freewill.
I will teach you lessons that will last on into eternity. What you gain from my time in you, (your time in me), will never be in vain.
I am a gift. I am given to you by God and hierarchies of angels and beings have worked together to unite me with you and you with me. It is astonishing our story of how we have come together, united by breath, the breath you most likely never even notice or give much thought to. Unconsciously, I exist in you, even before your earth-side breathing.
I promise you that all of the unknowns are what make life, life. The unknown meetings with other souls, the shared experiences of hardships, fear, insecurity, uncertainty, doubt, regret, shame, guilt, all often viewed as the ‘negative’ experiences of life are what ultimately really and truly, everlastingly unite you. The joy, the laughter, are not as impactful as the pain, and there will inevitably be great pain.
I am a force but an impermanent one. I will leave you. We cannot sustain our journey forever and on into eternity but what we share, what I give to you, will go on into another time and space, which you cannot yet know about or conceive of except for through faith.
I felt inspired to write this post before my final stage of my miscarriage. I realized that everything is unpredictable and impermanent and that the times in life that I felt the most meaningful and impactful were the moments of pain and uniting with others through the hardest times. Even though those times are the ones we tend to try and avoid as much as possible or really dread, they are the ones that truly strengthen us, teach us, and shape us as humans, even more so than all of the happy, fun, joyful times of life.
We need both the light and the dark, and to appreciate the entirety of life.