Old Writings Of Mine

This morning I was looking through some of my old writings from May of 2010 and decided that I would share with you two things that I wrote when I was first beginning to take steps onto my spiritual path and expand my consciousness.

I felt that today I needed to read something that would set my mind back on that path and wake me up to the fact that I don’t need to be perfect. I keep playing foolish games in my head and pushing all forms of love away in my life because of that constant message existing in the back of my mind, “You are undeserving because you are not perfect.” It doesn’t matter if it is love from my husband or my kids or just a compliment I receive, I always just shrug it off.

I really hate this mentality of mine and I know that I don’t need to be perfect, yet I still battle with it all the time. I have seen myself overcome this limiting belief time and time again, but these days I just feel so stuck with it. I also know that this battle is an opportunity in my life to further awaken and learn a new lesson. I keep running from the fear inside of myself, not facing it and embracing it, calming it and listening to what it has to teach me. I don’t know what I am so afraid to face.

After reading some of my old writings, I realize how important writing has always been to me. It always helps me to find a little bit more about myself and to actually face those fears inside. It always helps me and I feel that it has been way too long now. I want to start writing again, instead of running. I would also like to start posting more of my writings on the blog and become less afraid of judgement. I have fear of being real here sometimes, even though it is my space.

I keep thinking (assuming) that no one really wants to hear these things or that it doesn’t really go with the theme of this being a vegan blog with recipes, but this is a part who I am. Life is not just always about food, but food is a part of life. Spirituality is also a part of life, it is nourishment for our spirit. So, really it is just me once again being afraid to be me and worrying about what others ‘might’ think about me.

I feel that when I am really being real and letting that girl inside come out, then I really inspire others which is what I truly want to do. So, here are some random writings of mine from way back when. I feel fear as I post these this morning, so hopefully that means this will touch someone out there today. ๐Ÿ™‚

Miracle Girl

I feel sorry for that girl who needs and wants and is ever searching for herself

She doesnโ€™t know who she is, she feels so insecure.

She doesnโ€™t know what she wants, but she knows that she is not happy.

She seeks to fill her deepest longing with everything but what she truly longs for.

Her dreams are hidden from her consciousness, her potential has not yet birthed.

Her greatest attainment is but a grain of sand in a vast and infinite desert.

She canโ€™t see past her fears and she is held back by her unbelief.

She has never learned to love herself, she cannot extend love or receive it.

She doesnโ€™t know that heaven is here, but is determined to find it someday.

She is blind to the present as her mind is controlled by her fears.

Lost in a world of selfish gain and conceit.

She tries, but can never find her true self.

She asks for divine intervention, hoping to receive a miracle.

Externally there is no miracle, so she continues in unbelief.

But as she lives and with each breath she takes, the miracle exists.

Each step she takes, each moment she exists she is changing.

If she could only see the life she has been given and what love and hope she has.

She would know who she is, she could find her security.

She would find joy beyond measure.

She could feel what it is to be loved and love others.

She could pursue an immeasurable potential and ever expand her consciousness.

She could find satisfaction for every longing.

The raging waves of fear could be stilled in an instant.

Her belief would blossom and her eyes would be opened.

She would see that she lacks nothing. She would never feel lost.

She is complete and alive, meant for such a higher purpose.

I feel sorry for the girl who doesnโ€™t now she is the miracle.

May 19, 2010

FEAR

Fear rooted deep in the depths of my soul

Births each day new hopelessness

Disguised as life

The branches it bears, bring forth death to my consciousness

Regret

Unbelief

Lack

And despair

Itโ€™s roots are deep and are well established

Old and unshakeable

As the wind dances through me

I am one with this tree

I was born of it

It is my life

The wind blows again through the leaves

Some seize opportunity and find release

In the unfathomable power of the wind

No longer rooted

They are free

Where they are going, no one knows

Yet I remain as ever, clinging to the branch

It is my life

The wind blows again opportunity beckons me

I consider my roots and I hang on tight

For they are all I have ever known

Here, I am secure

I am identified with this tree

Again others dance and some take to the air

Yet I remain as ever, clinging to the familiar

It is my life

With every gust I wonder what my life could be like

As I watch them dance in unbounded possibility

Held by the immeasurable

So alive and care-free

Surrendered to the unknown

Yet I remain as ever, clinging to what I know

There is a change in the wind today

I feel a readiness in my spirit

I am swayed back and forth as I continue to hang on

It whispers secrets of life and beckons me to let go

Once more I feel my roots, as I surrender the familiar

Yielding to the mystery of what awaits

I find what it is to be truly alive

Wishing you all a great day! ย  ๐Ÿ™‚

6 thoughts on “Old Writings Of Mine

  1. Tiffany, you worry too much! Sweet girl, haven’t you caught on to the fact that the reason that most of us follow your blog so enthusiastically is because we share, at least to some degree, the SAME kind of crazy? There are days that you sound REALLY far out there but most of the time, it sounds like you are sitting in the corner of my crazy house, taking notes. Then writing a blog post about it. So, it is what it is. I know that you have enough on you without worrying about what the rest of us think of you on the other side of cyber space.
    Guess what? Your are a nut. Guess what? So am I. Guess what? Thanks for not leaving us alone.
    Have A WONDERFUL Day!!!
    Shane Loudermilk

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  2. When you are a young mother and wife it can be difficult to see what a great person you are yourself, But I do know that you are wise beyond your years and are doing a super job of being both. When you tell Craig and the girls that you love them DO NOT forget to tell yourself you love you too. What I absolutely miss the most of past years is when I was a yuong mother and wife. Those I will always call the GOLDEN Years. Keep up the good work Tiffany โค

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  3. I like your honestly it is sooo refreshing and real!
    Thanks for sharing – I can relate to what you wrote in a deep way….
    Cathy

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