The other day Autumn and I got to talking about comparison. I asked her if she ever noticed how when you compare yourself to someone else it just makes you feel bad. I explained to her how you can feel really great about something that you do well, (like me with my blog or recipes or her with her reading, drawings and books) but when you compare yourself to someone else, it is as though you feel really small and suddenly no longer any good. That one thought of feeling no good then opens the door to many other unwanted feelings and all of a sudden you feel pretty darn down.
I have noticed this a lot in my life and how comparison has stolen my joy. From the time I was a little girl in school, to even today. I think it is a natural tendency to size each other up and compare ourselves to others, especially for women. I used to feel that way a lot when I was on parenting forums or just looking at other blogs, especially of people who post recipes or write about parenting. Then one day I noticed how truly bad I felt about myself every time I looked at those certain things.
A while ago I decided to just stop it already. I stopped looking at a lot of the things that would bring me down and stopped trying to be what I thought people wanted me to be. It has always been my aim to find out who I am and to live a happy and healthy life, but I realized that in searching for myself by reading all of these other things and comparing myself to others, I was really only being molded into something that I really wasn’t, believing things that I only just accepted as truth and living life the way I thought I was supposed to. I wasn’t able to be authentically me because I had such a strong influence of others on my life, their thoughts and feelings, even their fears, not mine. The funniest thing about it is that I didn’t even know it until I detoxed my mind and really started to realize that much of what I believed and the way that I was living wasn’t authentically me.
I have decided these days to let everything else go and just find myself, live my life and do what I need to be the best me that I can be. I am not trendy, spectacular or particularly pretty. I don’t go with the crowd and some may even consider me abnormal, but I am me and I am learning to love the real me that exists inside. I used to be super self-conscious and in a lot of ways I still am, but I am becoming more brave and less afraid all the time. I don’t let my thoughts, fears and emotions control my life and I am less affected by other people’s opinions of me. I know now that there is no other way to live that really brings me joy, but to follow my heart, do what I love, take care of my family and share my real inner self with the world, inspiring others to do the same.