One of the main reasons I began questioning my veganism last week was because of a feeling of hopelessness. Sometimes it feels that no one else seems to care about these bigger issues and about the animals or avoiding genetically modified foods. I feel so weird sometimes that I am the only one who seems to give it any thought, like maybe I am even just crazy. Even when we would go out to other people’s houses or family gatherings Craig and the girls would have some non-vegan foods or foods that contain genetically modified ingredients and I never would, it made me feel like I am the only one who really takes this seriously. In my life I don’t know anyone, (aside from my husband and one friend) who cares about it and so whenever we go somewhere it feels awkward to me that I am the only one who thinks about it so much and really makes an effort to avoid it. I began questioning if I maybe had disordered thinking or that this was some form of eating disorder, but I have come to realize that it isn’t because it is not about body image or weight to me, but about ethics and the impact that our food choices have on not only us, but the animals and the world. It is a very powerful thing!
It can feel so hopeless to stick it out and follow your heart and what you really believe, especially when it goes against the norm, but I know deep down that just because something is normal and accepted widely by many, does not make it moral, ethical or true. This is true, not only of being a vegan, but of any narrow path we may choose to tread in life. I thank the ones who commented on that post and helped me to see that I do really care and that there are others out there who do too and feel similarly to how I do.
I had mentioned in my post before about letting the girls have some dairy and eggs, but really my husband and I still don’t feel right about it. I can’t bring myself to buy those “foods” for them and I really don’t feel right about them having genetically modified “foods.”Not only do I feel that it is wrong, but that it is unhealthy. As a mother, I of course want to do the right thing for them and it can be hard to know what that is. Kesa only likes some of those foods for the taste and so what I think I need to do is just come up with more recipes and variety for us all to enjoy. I have been taking such a break from recipes and we haven’t had much variety or excitement in our meals at all lately. I think that getting in the kitchen and making things with them (and sharing them with you too) will help the situation and also help me to focus more on what I am passionate about. I also think that I need to be more open with relatives and friends so that they realize how important and serious this decision of ours is. When we go out I sometimes feel pressured to let them have those things even though I really don’t feel right about it and I think that I need to be stronger and just say no and have them respect my decision. It is still hard when people say that we need to have dairy or meat in our diet and judge our choices.
I really feel that I needed to go through all of these things to come out stronger and realize that I can’t give up on what I believe and I am not the only one who cares and who wants to live this way, even though it can feel so lonely. I also want to encourage those of you out there who have the same feelings to never lose faith! Even though we may not be able to live perfectly up to our values and beliefs, we can still take it one day, one meal at a time. It seems so overwhelming to me to avoid the genetically modified foods because they put it in nearly everything now, but I am not going to stop trying. I will do my best to purchase and make our own food, ethically sound and free of those dangerous ingredients because that is what gives me peace of mind. Trying to fit in and forget about those things does not feel at all right to me.
Thank you to all who comment and who have bought my book and enjoyed my recipes. You help me to know that there are others out there who care and inspire me to keep on living what I believe.
I can’t wait to get back into the kitchen! 🙂