Keeping My Head Up

I find myself learning and reflecting a lot these days. I find myself consciously recognizing many changes that have been taking place in my life as I reflect too. I sometimes wonder if my mind is becoming less malleable to new concepts and ideas. Less open and less able to focus on spirit. I feel like I used to naturally be able to see the positive, let things roll off my back and could easily view the world with a sense of wonder and reverence. Not that I don’t think I possess these qualities anymore, but I do find it does not come as naturally to me as it used to.

I think as children we all have that childlike innocence. We feel that connectedness to all of life and we are naturally optimistic and trusting of people and our environment. Spirituality is our nature. It is our natural tendency to be loving and kind. To always wear a smile and often giggle. We love every person, without judgment and we love animals and nature too. Children never worry about anything really. They know no worry and just relax and trust that everything in life is going to be OK. Their meals are provided for them, they know that they have a bed to sleep in. They feel safe and secure as they are totally dependent on their parents for all of their physical needs and their soul and spirit is carefully guided by a higher hand.

I remember being that child and having that childlike innocence. I see it in my own kids too. It is something that we all begin to lose as we mature and eventually, for many it only becomes a distant memory as our minds become instead hardened with materialistic ideas and thoughts, we are less reverential for all of life and we do not easily forgive or forget. A question I often wonder is when do we lose this? When is it that we become less trusting, innocent, carefree, mindful and reverential for all of life, the very life that continually breathes into our spirit? At what point did we start taking our existence and every precious moment given to us for granted? When did we begin to see division rather than unity? Separateness instead of love? When did we begin to let our mind stop us from having a good time? As adults, it seems that we have to instead practice mindfulness and seek for the spirit. We have to practice forgiveness and seeing the good because it is not as natural after a while. For some, that childlike state is something that we have to try and find our way back to because it has become buried under so much fear, wrong-doing, hurt, disappointment etc. that we have encountered as we’ve grown older. Some people seem so hardened and unable to see anything good or worthy of their attention in this world.

It’s a tricky thing to be human. Having to deal with our physical and material reality and to also be a spiritual being, ever-evolving, growing and finding our way through life. To find that balance is not easy. The more I learn, the less I know. The more I think I know, the more I realize how futile any inkling of knowledge I possess really is. It is like finding a grain of sand in a vast desert. And if I think about it, life to me is really mostly about a whole lot of unlearning. I am unlearning most of what I was taught in order to find truth and evolve spiritually. Ideas about existence, God, and life in general.

When we are kids we don’t need someone to tell us about God. God just is. God needs no explanation. God doesn’t even need to be called the word “God.” God is every moment, every breath, everything. As kids we aren’t worried about missing God. Not worried about needing to see or to find God because we know that God is. We feel ourselves as apart of God and we see God in every other. But it seems that as we grow older, our natural sense of spirit is tainted, our open eyes begin to close and we become asleep to the spiritual reality if we allow ourselves to focus more on this physical, material existence than make an effort to see deeply and to choose love out of our own freewill. We begin to learn more and more from our environment and the people in our lives who want to teach us everything they think that they know about life. We are taught ideas about the way everything is. Even spirituality becomes materialistic. We are taught to think of God as we think of a man and then we lose our real, intuitive spirituality.

This yearning in me to seek the spirit is something that I have always had. I have always wanted to know myself as a spiritual being and to know what my purpose is here on earth. I have always felt lost to this popular materialistic mindset that is prevalent among society, even those claiming to be “spiritual.” It seems that even so-called spiritual seekers have developed a greater love for physical, material existence, material “spiritual” thoughts and ideas and a definite love of ease, than a true, deep, inner spirituality. Spirituality is often made only a comfortable part of a person’s physical, material existence, so that they never have to actually sacrifice anything in order to truly seek the spirit or to evolve themselves to a higher state of being or consciousness. Real knowledge and understanding of the spirit scares people. They don’t want to have to think deeply or to really get to know a person, even themselves. Everything is always just made comfortable and easy. This is something that I could never just accept for my life.

I’ve always longed to no longer feel myself as separate from spirit. To remember the deeper spiritual reality that I knew so well as a child. My whole life’s mission has been to discover that and to live according to this higher purpose. I don’t believe in arriving at any one truth or awakening and sitting comfortably with my attained discoveries and so-called “spirituality.” I believe in progressing, learning and growing continually in spirit and that it is not just a one time awakening that we are to encounter and live by forever.

The more I learn and grow spiritually, the more I am again finding that childlike trust in the evolution of my soul and of humanity. The more I make the effort to work at unlearning and digging deeply inside of myself, the more I see a transformation take place inside of me (little by little) and the more I can’t help but love life, others and our planet. The more I saturate my spirit with wisdom, the more I let go of petty worries and complaints and am able to once again open my eyes, as I did as a child. The more I endeavor to grow spiritually, the more I want to do good and be good out of my own freewill. The more I choose to set my mind on something higher than myself, the more I find true satisfaction for my spirit.