It was a moment I wish I had my camera for, but sometimes the moments that you don’t are the most precious. I love to take pictures. To capture such moments because I know that they are passing.
Life with a toddler these days is pretty trying. Life everyday with three kids and little “me” time is trying. Sometimes I feel like I could go crazy, but I know having these kids is such a blessing and the hard times are definite growth times for me. I get a lot of practice in patience and kindness and just listening to their little voices asking many questions, wondering about this big, wide world that we live in (or just whining). Having kids is the ultimate way to grow spiritually, to learn more about yourself and to learn selflessness, that is for sure. I am so grateful that I have these three angels to teach me and to mold me into a better person daily.
Serafina can make life pretty difficult for us these days. She is two and a half now and a very busy, curious little girl. Into everything. Exploring everything. Climbing on everything. Needless to say, these days have been frustrating, but this afternoon we had such a beautiful moment together, just me and her. The girls were outside playing in the snow, building a snowman while Serafina and I had a nice warm bath. She loves water. She loves the lake in the summer and all year round she loves the tub. She would stay in forever if I let her.
So there we were, just her and I enjoying our bath. She was filling a cup with water and watching it pour into the water and splash up at her, making her smile. She was having so much fun just playing in the water. Then I looked into those big, round, innocent, smiling eyes and my heart melted. I love her so much! Even though she drives me crazy and life seems so busy and crazy raising three girls, just one glance into those eyes makes me forget all the frustration and fears I often feel as a parent. I want to do so much for them. I want to be the best mom that I can be. I want them to have a good childhood and to have many memories to look back on. Memories that they will smile at and laugh about. The good times we create through the difficulties and frustrations. Like when I feel so tired, but I make the effort to read a story anyway and make it funny for them. Or when I feel like getting mad or upset, but decide to turn on some music and dance with them.
Life goes by faster everyday and I feel like I can’t keep up to it, no matter how much I try. Things are quite busy and our days are full. Our mornings are filled with homeschooling. In between I cook and clean and try to find a little rest time to read or just be so that I can recharge myself and come back to life stronger and better able to love and serve my family. Life is a difficult balance, but amidst the chaos and business I never want to lose my center. I never want to close my eyes and lose my ability to see the beauty in every bit of it, even the chaotic parts. But that’s life. Half the time, I do feel asleep. I feel like life’s strong current sweeps my mindfulness away more often than I would like it to.
I am not perfect and I know life is not to be all perfect and sane and easy. I am not even sure that I would want it to be. I feel like with each time period of feeling asleep and losing my mindfulness, I learn something. After going through moments where I lose my focus and feel as though I have had my eyes closed to life and to my blessings, when I open them again life is so much more full. I see so much more beauty and feel so much more gratitude than ever before.
It is like in one of my favorite songs, Everything Is Sound by Jason Mraz. He says,
Ha, la, la, la, la, la, la, Hallelujah
Everything is sound
It’s a song that I’ve forgotten often
It doesn’t make me wrong
Cause we all need the darkness, to see the light
Instead of feeling bad for not always being able to be positive and awake and grateful, just to know that even when we do forget the good, the true and the beautiful and aren’t living with our eyes fully open, awake and aware of the completeness, perfection and meaning of each and every moment, everything is sound. Everything is working for a greater purpose and for good, even if it doesn’t seem to be. Even when all we see is darkness or feel is frustration or confusion, there is always light. There is a higher purpose for everything. Each and every moment is a learning experience and is given to us to awaken and evolve.
So even though I am not there yet (wherever ‘there’ may be) and I am not perfect, or enlightened, or even my ideal of myself, I am grateful for every moment of life. This whole beautiful life that I’ve been given. And I am especially grateful for those moments, like the one I had this afternoon, where all of a sudden my eyes are open wide, my mind is calm and I see the real beauty and perfection in life and in the little things that we often do close our eyes and hearts to.
There is so much we can see, so much we can learn and understand if we keep our eyes and hearts open and just know that everything is sound.