We go through life wearing a garment. A self we are born into believing is truly who we are. This self is made up of our conditioning, what we see and hear, and what is passed to us in silence, soul to soul by those who surround us in our young years. All of this affects us deeply. It gives us a definition of what we should be. Unconsciously, we absorb so much and believe that this unconscious life we are living and self we identify with daily is us.
When we get onto a spiritual path and begin to want to learn, unlearn and understand what we are and why we are here, we begin to wake up to the lies and that unconscious identity that we’ve held with who we are. We become conscious slowly and surely to all that we truly are not. And in learning what we are not and what was only what we absorbed and were conditioned to be by our parents or guardians, family members, media, and society at large, including our education systems and work places, we begin to find who we are underneath, like finding a buried treasure.
It’s not that we flee from any of this as bad, but we do begin to question what is really true for us. What resonates with our real inner being? What are we being called to let go of in order to ascend into a deeper relationship with the divinity within us that we came here with and will leave here with?
I like to think of this feeling as if you begin to awaken to the fact that the life you are wearing has become too tight, the consciousness, too restricting and limiting to your ever-growing and changing consciousness. There can at times be great discomfort as we are in between sizes. We are in between facing the fear and taking a leap of faith. We are afraid to lose the self that we’ve known and identified with and to embrace the unknown. We are not yet big enough (or fearless enough) for the new self, the new life and size, but we also know that we do not belong where we are in this life, living a role and wearing a mask that is ever appearing more and more restricting.
In this phase it feels that looking back there is nothing for us. We want nothing that we had but looking ahead we don’t know what will be. It really is about taking a leap of faith, like the caterpillar in the cocoon that feels as if it is dying as it squeezes out of the cocoon, emerging as a butterfly. Taking the leap, being squeezed, and feeling like we just might die is where we come to be reborn.
It may not happen in a day but take a lifetime. Or, for some, it may not only happen once but many, many times as we shed identities over and over again as we grow and change.
All we need to learn and practice every time is that faith is bigger than fear and light can outshine even the darkest of darkness.
Have a blessed weekend! ❤
Your posts always seem to find a way to resonate with me and almost put into words what I am feeling at the time. 🙂 I have been a stay at home mom for 8 years now and I’d like to start a health coaching business but for some reason I can’t find the confidence to get “back out into the world again.” I can’t quite pinpoint when it happened, but I didn’t have these feelings of fear when I was younger-I am mostly feeling unsure of myself and my place in the world, and having a fear of failure to go out and pursue my dream job. But I’m also in a place where you described, not wanting to stay where I’m at! Thanks for the advice at the end! Love to you as well as you continue along your journey in this crazy life too! 🙂
That is nice to hear, Diana! I think we all have fears, especially when it comes to trusting our intuition. I’m glad this writing resonated with you. 😊