You know who is really mean to me and extremely hard to make peace with? Me. I am so hard on myself sometimes. Life can be going so good, but I always have to find something that isn’t 100% perfect to completely sabotage my happiness. I am that cruel.
I would never treat anybody else the way I treat myself sometimes. I would never tell someone else, “you didn’t do that as good as you could have.” “You could never do that.” “What’s the point?” “Nobody cares.” No, I would have faith in others and I would encourage them to live a life they love and believe in themselves no matter what.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not always so hard on myself, but every once in a while, my ego throws a pity party and invtes my true self along to listen to all that it thinks is wrong with my life. It proceeds to criticize everything I am doing and everything that I believe. It feeds my mind with a ton of garbage and sends me on my less than merry way.
If my ego weren’t so sneaky, I would not fall prey to its tactics, but my ego knows exactly when to get me. It chooses the time when I am most likely to accept an invitation, usually when I am tired and extremely out of balance. When I have missed almost a week of running and have neglected to get enough sleep. When I am weak and vulnerable, that is when my unsuspecting true self accepts an invitation to spend time feeling sorry for my life.
Can you imagine if someone came up to you and started telling you how terrible you are and how everything you do is never good enough? Would you stick around to hear it? Of course not! The problem is that when it is your own ego, you can’t escape it, you can’t even fight it because then you are still giving it control.
No, the way to overcome the ego and get back to your true self is to just become a watcher of your thoughts. While you are stuck at the party, you may as well sit back and relax. As your ego exhausts itself, pulling out all stops to completely sabotage your happiness, just be. Recognize that although those areas of doubt and fear reside in you, they are not who you really are.
I had a horrible past 28 hours. Somewhere between early afternoon yesterday and just now, I lost myself. I was taking some serious heat today and resisting my thoughts as much as possible. Then I did some yoga, took some time to relax and breathe deeply and I am back!
Psychiatrist Carl Jung, was quoted saying “What you resist, persists.” The more we resist owning any darkness that resides in us, the more we allow it to control our lives. When we accept all of ourselves and our life, not just the good stuff and not just when we think it is going our way, then we open the door for change to occur. When we embrace it all, exactly how it is, that is when we grow and we allow the light to shine on that inner darkness.
So, yes, I have moments of self-doubt and yes, I have been known to attend a good pity party every now and again, but it is occurring less often. Although I have days when I feel nothing I do could ever make a difference and that life is not going the way I want it to at all, I have learned to relax and just accept it all as it is.
You know the best part? When I do, everything takes care of itself and I find myself sitting at a completely different party. One where all that I hear is how perfect everything is and how great I am doing at living my life. Those are the ones I want to attend from now on.