Who Am I?

Sometimes I think of all the things I could do in this lifetime and I get overwhelmed. How do you choose? For most people it may not be so difficult and they can just choose a career path and follow it, but I never wanted to be tied down to one job for life and be known by what I do. Besides that, I have so many different interests that I think it would be a shame to focus all of my attention on just one of them for my lifetime.

Isn’t it funny though, that people are actually judged by what they do? When someone first meets you they ask, “What do you do?” or “Where do you work?” Our jobs have become our identity and the basis on which people will judge us as good or bad, intelligent or not etc. We are all constantly making the mistake of judging everybody from the outside, when really we no absolutely nothing about them.

But I was thinking (as I always do), why do we do that? Does a job really tell you about who that person really is? We are all different and we all have interests in different things. I am interested in music, reading, writing, yoga, living an eco-friendly life, learning new things and most important to me would be spirituality. My main goal in life is peace. I want to bring peace to the world in whatever ways I can, by first cultivating that peace within myself and my home. I want to raise my girls with good values and to die knowing that I gave my best to the world everyday of my life. I don’t want to waste my time here on purposes that are not worthy of my time.

I was thinking what my response would be to someone who asks me what it is that I do and I really don’t know what I would say. There are so many things that I could do in life, so many dreams I could pursue, but for now I am a mother. That is my number one job and I think it is an important one. I am doing what I feel peace about, I am raising and schooling my children.

I think that even if I wanted to choose one thing to be “my thing” I would have a hard time. I love so many different things. I’ve thought about being a yoga instructor, playing clarinet professionally, teaching music lessons/ being a music teacher and just recently I got off on this idea that I could write a cookbook. That was so exciting to me (for a few days), then I figured I don’t really need to do any of those things. I guess that’s the trouble when you realize that things don’t bring happiness and that your identity is not based on your career. I know that my inner peace or happiness would not be greater if I became anything different from who I am now and I know that if I am not happy with my life in the present, my happiness won’t be greater in the future (if or when).

So for now I am a mom. That is what I do and essentially who I am, judging from the outside, but I am also so much more than that and we are all a lot more than our titles.

Since I was thinking about all this I thought I would take a look at my Vedic Astrology chart again and share it with you too. This astrology chart is based on my date, place and time of birth, so it is very accurate. I thought you might completely agree with numbers 5, 8, 12 and 14 if you know me or have been reading for a while. Number 15 is also right on.

1 – She has a sharp mind.

2 – She will be a scholar and genius and will be inclined towards education by nature. She will be very interested in writing and reading.

3 – Her mental ability will be prominent and her brain will have both masculine and feminine trends of thought.

4 – She will be a dreamer and will reach distant places in the matter of seconds.

5 – Her nature will be self-contradictory. At times she will be somber and patient and at times lively and garrulous.

6 – She will have a strong voice, a clear pronunciation and correct expression.

7 – She will be skilled and eloquent in speech and will impress people by her eloquence.

8 – She will be interested in many different subjects – therefore she will be curious about all the knowledge and science of the world.

9 – She will be intelligent and her way of thought will be scientific and logical.

10 – She will be very clever and will be skilled in getting her work done through others.

11 – She will be skilled at liaison work, will be involved in mediation, in acting as witness and will have faith in social traditions.

12 – Due to her inquisitive and analytical nature, she will be desirous of going into the depth of things as though it was some research.

13 – She will be interested in singing, in music and will have a special interest in dance and poetry.

14 – She will be self-critical and in other words she will destroy her own image.

15 – Her main drawbacks will be talkativeness, variation, starting a new work without accomplishing the previous one, lack of concentration, lack of taking quick decisions, impatience and anxiety in getting to experience the results or work undertaken.

I used to be really worried about life and if I was doing enough or not, but I’ve relaxed a lot in the past year and have given up trying to change people, get somewhere, be somebody or impress people. I know that I am (and we all are) here for a much bigger purpose and that no matter what we choose for ourselves in our lives, we are all on an upward path. Everyday we are learning, growing and changing, whether we realize it or not. This has given me a lot more inner peace and now I am able to relax and enjoy my life a lot more.

Also, recognizing the impermanence of everything in life has helped me become a lot more peaceful as well. Impermanenceย  includes our all of our different feelings. We may feel physically ill, but we will get better again. We may feel sad, but we will experience happiness again. Nothing lasts forever. That also includes the happy times and all of the people in our lives. Just realizing this can give a person a much deeper appreciation for where they are in life, who they are with and what they have in the present.

We all grow older and we will all die someday. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that all I have is now. I have to just take one day at a time and give my best no matter where I am or who I am with. Right now I am breathing, I am thinking, I am healthy, I am happy, I am alive.

I’d say life is pretty darn great!