I have literally started draft after draft of posts for my blog over the past few weeks which have all led nowhere. I feel so badly like writing, but for some reason the words just don’t flow. It is frustrating really because I feel like a few years ago I never seemed to have this problem. I had no hesitation to bare my soul and share what was on my heart in the past. Over the past few years, somehow it feels as if I have forgotten how to let go of the bits of fear that tug away at me and keep me from unleashing the light that I have to share, the light of my true-self and of my humanness.
It is especially difficult in the blogging world because so many blogs are about covering up any form of real humanness, real thought and any imperfections. Most only share a false self with the world and are content with doing so. This is something that I cannot do. I sometimes feel as if with all of our pretending and with all of our facades and masks that some people have even forgotten who they truly are and what their real purpose is. It becomes muddled in this false identity, an identity based on materialism and not in reality at all.
So, I decided that I am just going to go with whatever comes out now. To take off my mask and be who I am right now at this moment and share what is on my heart.
It’s a funny thing really, this existence. Being a spiritual being, but also being human. Balancing both my spiritual life and my human life has been a struggle for years now. I yearn so badly to just focus on my spiritual life, to have things be picture perfect and always on the upswing, but that would actually be a most unspiritual life and quite a contradiction to what I wish to accomplish. In denying my human self and physical reality to go off in my spiritual bubble, I know that I would be denying spirituality itself. I don’t believe that I can be the only one who ever hopes for these things and so I am not afraid to admit it to myself and to anyone else for that matter. It is something I have recognized in myself for a long time now. I believe that a lot of people who thirst for spirituality can fall into this trap and in a way it can even make you be so off in the clouds that you begin to see your humanness and your physical reality as a hindrance to spirituality.
What I have come to learn time and time again is that being spiritual and having a spiritual life really means being fully human and embracing all that comes with it. The imperfections that we all have inside of us and all of the darkness is as much necessary as the light. In fact, without the darkness how would we ever know light? How would we recognize the goodness, the love and the light in life if we were never to experience bouts of darkness, struggle, or even utter hopelessness? How then can we constantly wish to escape it or deny it, when within it lies such a powerful gift?
When I sit back and reflect upon my past, I have seen how the darkness has always led me to greater light. I know that everything is happening for a reason and that we are all being guided to greater things everyday, whether we are conscious of it or not. We are all spiritual beings having our human experience, learning our lessons and becoming transformed in every moment. At our core, we are really all the same.
Sometimes it can seem so hard to see that. That we are really all just the same. It is hard to believe this because our thoughts would have us believe that no one understands us, that no one could possibly ever feel the way we do, or that we are alone. Our mind tries to tell us that we are separate from others and that we are a special case, but that just isn’t so. We do not know the mind, the heart or soul of others. We cannot see into the spiritual reality as we can see the physical reality all around us. We judge people based on our material perceptions, based on our conditioned mind and this causes us to perceive a separateness from others, even the ones closest to us. We so often fear taking off our masks and baring our soul to another, just being real and making a real connection, even though this is what we most want. We fear letting go and just being because in actually doing so we would see the truth and would have to face the fact that we have been running from it.
I am always working on trying to cultivate the light within myself and seeing the light in others. It would seem that in the world we live today that there is mostly darkness (or to some, only darkness). We are surrounded by a world of illusion really, offering us false forms of satisfaction for our thirsty souls in nearly every way imaginable. We crave so badly this satisfaction that some may have even given up altogether on God, on light and on love because most of our searching has been in vain. Most of what we have used to quench our thirst has only made us even more thirsty, let us down and left us jaded, hurt and deceived.
I love the song by Jason Mraz, “I Won’t Give Up.” To me it is such a powerful message of the spiritual journey that we are all experiencing. The lyrics “I won’t give up on us, even if the skies get rough. I’m giving you all my love. I’m still looking up”, remind me that inside there is something greater guiding each of us that will never give up on us. That even when things get dark or ‘rough’ we will come through it and experience an even greater light. The darkness can never be forever and is only a necessary part of our existence.
My hope is that we can all practice seeing the light in others and in life. I hope that we can realize that we are really all the same. We are all a part of the light and we are all trying to find our way home. To perceive this light amongst the darkness.
I know that this may all seem pretty strange or even cheesy. After all, how can one even try to put spiritual things into words? That is why I have been stuck on them for so long. I am hoping to practice removing my mask more often and being less afraid to bare my soul, even if what I am trying to express doesn’t exactly flow as I want it to or make much sense to whoever is reading. I really do believe that in doing so and letting my light shine that it will benefit somebody out there and help them to be less afraid too.
Know that you are not alone and that you are not some special case. We are each of us on a journey and we are each of us imperfect, only learning and growing through our human experience and through the darkness in our lives.
I wanted to also share this song that I love too, again by Jason Mraz. I am still enjoying his album Love Is A Four Letter Word. The messages in his songs always uplift me. This song 93 Million Miles is one of my favorites.
Love & Light,