I love my circle of mom friends. I admire each one. Each one of my mom friends is different from me and all of them are also different from each other. We all have our different views on religion/spirituality, education, work, discipline, food, and family. It is enlightening to me each time I talk with one of my mom friends. I learn something about myself as a mom and grow stronger in my identity as a mother every time I talk to any one of them (including my own mother).
Some of my mom friends want large families, some want only one or two children. Some like staying home, some can’t wait to go back to work and/or enjoy working. Some are natural mommas and are passionate about natural remedies and organic food, some enjoy the conveniences of the food industry and don’t mind feeding their family take-out often. Some are pro-vaccination and some are anti-vaccination. Some believe in home education, while some love the school system. Some identify strongly with their religion and feel comfortable labelling themselves as “Christians” or “Hindus”, some see life as a journey and embrace all religions and forms of spirituality, learning a little from each one. Some have strict rules for their children and methods of discipline and punishment, some are more relaxed and care-free.
Sometimes I can sense from some of my mom friends that they are insecure about who they are as a mother. They still compare themselves as a mother to other moms, including me. I know that it is only natural to compare ourselves and our lives to others, but I do believe that we can outgrow the feeling of coming up short when we do so. We can become comfortable with who we are as a mother and in our beliefs and styles of parenting, even if those styles and beliefs are different from other mothers. We are the only ones who know ourselves and our unique children most intimately and what feels best for our own lives and families.
I wish all mothers and women could feel secure in themselves and live their truth. I wish that our differences didn’t have to cause us to judge each other or make us feel separate from each other. And most of all, I wish that each of us could be humble and compassionate enough to not think of other mothers as somehow lower than us because of the way they choose to parent and raise their family.
If only we could all live a day in the life of someone else, we would soon think quite differently about the things we judge in another.
I have come to realize that I am what I am. As a mother I am still evolving and changing, as my children do likewise. I find my journey as a mother (and as a human being) to be one of continual growth and transformation and that I am constantly having to adapt to the changes life brings.
Autism is a big change I never saw coming in my life. I never knew what challenges it would bring and what a strain it would have on our family at times–yet we persevere. It is hard, but I owe it to autism for helping me to gain a whole lot of self-confidence as both a woman and a mother.
Being an autism mom is a life of self-sacrifice and dedication; a role not for the faint of heart or weary of spirit. Being an autism mom, you will never get back the amount of affection you give to your child in return. It is a life of learning the true meaning of love, which is not self-seeking or easily angered, but patient and kind, ever hoping and persevering.
With Serafina being unable to speak words, she has never in her four years told me that she loves me, but I can sense it. I know that she loves me and she communicates that differently, in a way without words. Being an autism mom, you also have to be intuitive and discerning. You have to be able to communicate beyond words and understand things beyond the senses.
No matter who we are as mothers, women, or human beings, I think that we all, deep down, share common goals. We desire to be good and to do good. We all want to be the best parents that we can be for our children. We want what is best for their well-being and want them to grow up and reach their fullest potential and we are all figuring out how best to do that, often needing to compare ourselves to others, learning from their (as well as our own) mistakes along the way.
Instead of judging each other for our differences, why don’t we encourage and inspire each other toward finding the path that is best for each of us to reach our common goals? Why don’t we lose sight of what each unique path looks like and instead, walk side by side with each other, eyes straight ahead toward our destination and enjoy each others company along the way?
I am thankful for each of the mom friends that I have and who I have met through my blog. You are all absolutely wonderful to me and I want to encourage you on your own path to discovering your true identity and security in your role as a mother, wife, and woman!
These were my thoughts for this evening.
👋🏻👌🏼 so loved this! I shared it to my Facebook page ☺️ wonderful, once again 💜💜💜
What a beautiful post and yes, what a wonderful world it would be if we could all feel secure in our parenting position instead of all feeling judged at some level.
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As always, well said. The one thing that I have come to appreciate the more I age is truth. Thats as honest as you can get. Well done Tiffany. I like to think that my reward is waiting for me in Heaven…
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I like reading your blog!
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This is beautiful Tiffany, and so spot on. We are all on different journeys, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be there for each other, offer support, and walk towards our goals together.
Thank you. xo
Happy to be walking with you Kim! 🙂
Oh wow, this is exactly what I needed to read today! It is so strange, just as I was checking my emails, I was stressing about having to soon make the decision about going back to work after this year since my youngest will be in kindergarten. Thinking back to my day, I talked with a mom who stays home and homeschools and I remember feeling slightly envious that she is in a position to stay home and homeschool AND be happy about it. Another mom I was talking to works and loves her job and time away from kids AND her family is happy doing what they do. Tiffany, like you said, I have to find MY truth and stop comparing my life to everyone else’s life. Making choices is difficult for me because I often spend so much time going back and forth looking at what other people (especially moms) are doing. It just blows my mind how appropriate this post is to my life right now. Thank you so much for putting it into words and making it seem much clearer. Hopefully now I can somehow make more sense of what is best for me and my family without feeling guilty in the process. Thanks again Tiffany, this post REALLY hit home with me. 🙂
Thank you for your comment Diana! I believe that you do know what is best for you and your family. It just takes following your intuition and calming your fears to finally realize and accept what your truth is. It is hard to make decisions as mothers when we know that our decisions will not only shape and affect us, but our children as well, likely for their entire lives. (Definitely not so easy!) I am glad that this post resonated with you. It was definitely one of those times when I just really felt like I had to sit and write. I know that it was for a reason. ❤
Great post. It isn’t just moms that get insecure about life in general and decisions and our paths and comparing our lives to others…..us non-mom get there too. Quite often to be sure! Thanks for the kind reminder to honor that path I am on 🙂
Yes! This post is relevant to all! What was running through my mind at that time was specifically on mothering, but the message is universal. 🙂 Thanks for your comment Priscilla! ❤
What a beautiful, powerful post!
Thank you! Glad that you enjoyed it! ☺