After writing that post last night, I admit that it was hard to press publish. As convincing as my words seemed, even to myself I have to admit that a part of me knew I was bull shitting myself. I realized last night, after a surprising amount of comments and e-mails, that people do really feel inspired by this blog, my life and our family’s journey.
When Craig got home and read it he asked me, “So what are you going to do now?” I told him that I was going to live my life, instead of writing about living it. I really had myself convinced that I could not do both.
I wrote in that post about how I feel like I can’t blog and enjoy my life, but I realize that that is just an excuse I have made for myself, just like all of the other excuses that I make or situations or people that I blame for the reason why I am not being myself and living my life the way I truly want to.
I know that inside I do have enough strength to do anything that I desire, but the truth is that I am afraid. So, so afraid. There are so many surface fears that I really belive are real for my life, (like what if I mess up with my kids, what if this blog is no good, what if I am just causing harm, what if I am not living my life ‘right’) but deep underneath the deepest fear is finding out what I am really capable of.
It is like Marianne illiamson says, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be. You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Your comments to me last night really opened up my eyes to that fear. I am afraid to let my light shine. I am afraid to inspire others because who am I to do so? I am mostly afraid to let anyone too close or to actually and truly let any love into my life. I have self-sabotaged so many relationships and situations in my life as an attempt to convince myself that I was just unlovable or unworthy. I do that to myself all the time in so many areas of my life. I constantly run away from facing that fact and owning it. I am powerful beyond measure, yet I just continue to play small, which is of no benefit to myself or anyone connected to me.
So, here I am. Just crazy old me. I am not going to delete this space, this part of who I am, but I am going to take back my power and be less afraid to just be me here. I have seen time and time again how that when I am being my authentic self and not just trying to be somebody else to fit in or be relatable is when I draw the most light. The posts I have on the blog where I am actually and honestly being me are the ones that have got the most attention.The times when I have been unafraid to let my light shine.
So this blog will be my space. My time to journal my thoughts, post pictures or share recipes when I feel like it. I am not going to try and force anything but just let it come naturally. I am not going to over analyze whether it is good or bad, right or wrong, I am just going to let it be and be me. If it helps or inspires others, then that is awesome too. I am tired of thinking that I know what people are thinking or worrying about whether everything I do is good or bad.
Today I draw strength from within and keep non keepin’ on. I will continue to live and share this journey I call life. If you still care you are welcome to join me.
*Joyful Giggles* I absolutely ADORE that you are HUMAN! My head tries to eat itself all of the time so I understand the roller coaster. Thank you for the quote. It is a great one that I have collected in a little leather bound book I keep for quotes. More than that… THANK YOU for continuing to post. I hope that you find balance in it and it helps you on your journey.
You DO inspire… but not in a grandiose way. It is like “hey! she is one of our people!”
I am SO stinking glad that you are still around. A trust worthy source for Christmas baking is a must! 😉 Have a thankful, happy day!
Hoorraayyy!! I was so happy to read this when I woke up this morning 🙂 Some days we feel grounded and unshakable and some days we feel totally lost. Life is crazy and so are we.
I am so glad that you have decided to continue with your blog. You inspire me too! You are right when you say that it benefits no one when we hide our light under a blanket of insecurity so, continue to let your light shine!
We are all on this journey of life and spiritual discovery. We are called to shine our light in this world and to whenever possible, help others on their journey. I believe that is a part of why we are here.
I love you and I want you to do whatever makes you happy. Remember though, that everything that we do must be done with a sense of balance. As Eccleciastes Ch. 3 says
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak …
So awesome 🙂 And don’t feel bad – I can totally relate to feeling like this. We are all just really REALLY hard on ourselves. You don’t give yourself enough credit though – just by being aware of all those “issues” is more than a lot of people are willing to do. PLUS – you ARE playing big by keeping up your blog! It takes courage to share yourself with the world. Keep it up girl and remember – YOU”RE AMAZING!!
Thank you! 🙂
I’m so glad you’re not stopping. I have so enjoyed following your journey. I am new to blogging, and while I’m not new to the plant-based lifestyle, I am hoping to start a family soon and I know I will need to find strength when that happens.
Facebook and twitter, and even fancy blogs, are people’s versions of themselves. It is so easy to compare ourselves to a bunch of someone’s photos and comments, but that’s not the whole person. If anything, your blog is one of the most honest ones out there. Reading your writing, I get a sense of the real you, not some fancy photo-shopped pics and your “best” self. For that reason, you do help people. I strive to be as honest in my writing, and in my life.
I have been reading your blog for quite a few months now. The posts are RSSed into my email and you have a blog I really look forward to reading. It’s like this little spark added to my day. You aren’t full of ads…You’re never trying to sell something…You’re life is rather inspiring. I’ve never perceived you to be selfish or have an ego behind your blog…That’s part of the reason I’ve continued to keep reading. My family is 100% vegetarian and has been forever…I’ve drifted towards veganism and have tried some of your recipes for my family…Some have turned out so well for us.
I don’t feel looking at views or comments is ego driven either…You write to inspire and to wonder if you’ve inspired another soul to me is very giving. I blog occasionally but, more so I follow a lot of bogs that inspire me…I’m not inspired by commercialized blogs…I like to hear from real people. I have an extremely boring office job that is not leading to anything special at the moment no matter how hard I try…I was NEVER into fashion or ever thought I could sew anything but, I knew I had an interest in it especially since I have a son that I love making things for. If it wasn’t for reading a blog about a mom who was going through design school due to this later in life interest I would have never considered it. I just now finished my first quarter at an apparel arts school…It’s my creative outlet…My “me” time…Someone else’s story inspired me to follow one of my own little dreams. I’m 26 years old so there are still plenty of dreams to live out but, this was one I never even considered until I saw that someone else had done the same thing…Since I was a science major in college I just never thought of it being possible for me…Your blog has inspired me to keep pursuing veganism a lot more seriously and to live eco-friendly…I also DIY everything for my son whether it’s his birthday cake, halloween costume, etc..So it’s nice to see someone else does the same…Not to mention I think your little girls are beyond adorable.
All in all I’m just glad to see you’re blog won’t disappear in the internet void…Especially now that a friend gave me a huge basket of Persimmons and I have NO CLUE what to do with them! Do you have ANY persimmon recipes/ideas?
Thank you for your comment! I totally appreciate your kind and encouraging words. However, I have no persimmon recipes or ideas for you, sorry. Maybe I will do a little research on it. 🙂
Thanks so much everyone! You put a smile on my face and have given me the blessing of certainty. I am always so afraid to just be me and follow my intuition, but I feel now that I can finally give myself permission to do so. I appreciate your comments more than you can know. 🙂
I am so glad you will keep on blogging. I look forward to reading your blogs and I love trying your recipes out. It’s great to see that there are other mum’s out there who feel the same as I do. I love reading your inspirational quotes and try to read them on my ‘down’ days. Keep going Tiffany you are a great blogger, wonderful mother and person and I can’t wait until you have your own recipe book!!!!!! Best wishes from across the miles or as some say ‘down under’. P.s. I am so looking forward to trying out the lemon asparagus tofu stir fry this week.
Thanks! 🙂 I should get on that recipe book, it just seems like such a huge and overwhelming project.